Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Dick Cheney--just shoppin' at Borders

Yup, he was. Look:

Sep 25, 9:07 PM EDT
Who Runs DC? Dick Cheney Wants to Know


...The vice president was spotted Tuesday night with a copy of Washingtonian magazine's October issue featuring the "Power 150," its choices for the capital city's most influential people in business, culture, education and other pursuits...

...With his motorcade waiting outside the Borders bookstore at L and 18th streets NW, several people watched through streetside windows as Cheney browsed on the store's ground floor.

...He picked up copies of the late David Halberstam's new book, "The Coldest Winter: America and the Korean War," and the companion book to Ken Burns' PBS series "The War," according to a person in the store who asked not to be identified.

After waiting in line behind a handful of other shoppers, Cheney paid for his items and left as quietly as he arrived...

Clerk: Can I help you find something, sir?
Cheney: Yeah. Uh, look I’m in kind of a hurry, I’ve got a motorcade waiting outside—
Clerk: Certainly, what can I help you with?
Cheney: I’m looking for a book, a couple of books, really.
Clerk: What are the titles, sir--
Cheney: Well, that’s the thing, I don’t have particular titles in mind. It’s a present—for a friend. Well, not a friend, a co-worker. Well, actually, he’s more like an employee—Anyway, look, I want to kind of bring him up to speed on some stuff, some twentieth century military history.
Clerk: I see. Well, the Military History section is right over here—
Cheney: It needs to have a lot of pictures. A book about a war that we won, and it’s got to have a lot of pictures in it--
Clerk: Well, we’ve got a number of books about World War Two, we won that one—
Cheney: I know we won fucking World War Two, I’m not the one who’s—look, sorry, sorry, kid, I didn’t mean to snap at you--
Clerk: That’s okay, sir. Have you seen these DK books for kids? They have lots of pictures—
Cheney: This is exactly the thing I’m talking about. This is wonderful, they’re on all different subjects, are they?
Clerk: Yes, it’s a very popular series. Here’s one on “Knight”...”Aztec”...I looks like we’re sold out of the one on “World War Two”...
Cheney: Shit.
Clerk: We can order it in for you, sir, it would take about two weeks—
Cheney: Nah, nah, I need something to show him tonight.
Clerk: Have you considered buying your friend a DVD on World War II?
Cheney: That’s the best fucking idea I’ve heard this year. Is there a good one available?
Clerk: Well, there’s a Ken Burns documentary on World War II coming out—
Cheney: Perfect. Lead me to it—
Clerk: I think we may be sold out of that, too, unfortunately—
Cheney: Look, kid—stop cockteasing me, will you? What have you got in the store, right now?
Clerk: Well, we have the Ken Burns book that accompanies the DVD, that has lots of photos—
Cheney: Gimme that. (examines it) Okay. Great. Here’s pictures of us winning, I’ll take it. Now I need something else, something brainy-looking—
Clerk: For the same friend?
Cheney: It’s just so he can be seen carrying it around, so he can be seen with it. It can have lot of big words in it, it doesn’t matter, he’s not gonna read it anyway.
Clerk: About World War II?
Cheney: No, about some other war, some other war that we didn’t win. So it looks like he’s a serious thinker, learning from the lessons of the past—
Clerk: Here’s a history of Viet Nam—
Cheney: For Christ’s sake, no. No way. What else?
Clerk: Well, David Halberstom’s got a new book out on the Korean War—
Cheney: Gimme that. (examines) Okay, we’re done. Perfect. (sees magazine left in chair) What’s that, what’s that there, that magazine? “Washington’s 150 Most Powerful People—“ (starts to flip through it quickly)
Clerk: Would you like me to take you to the magazine section, sir?
Cheney: Nah, nah, I’m just trying to see if I’m in here anywhere...Ah, there I am. I can leave this laying on his desk, open at this page. That way he’ll think I’m still—alright, where do I ring up this stuff.
Clerk: Right this way, sir, I’ll take you to the register.
Cheney: Great. Am I supposed to tip you or something?
Clerk: Oh, no sir. We don’t accept gratuities here at Borders.
Cheney: Okay, then fine. Go fuck yourself, then, okay? And don’t tell anyone I was in here.
Clerk: Yes, sir.



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