Apologies to Dr. Seuss: "How the Bush Stole Christians"

How the Bush Stole Christians

All the Christians in Heartland
Loved Jesus a lot.
And the Bush knew those Christians
Had votes to be got.

So he preached about Jesus,
The Cross and the Flag.
And soon the Bush had
All their votes in the bag.

And they stayed loyal to him.
Though this gave them a lurch--
He approved fetal tissue
For stem cell research!

And instead of destroying OBL’s Al-Kay-Dah,
He attacked the wrong country—Iraq! “Ha ha ha!"
Osama would laugh, just as free as before—
“Did you like what I did in New York? You’ll see more.
Thousands die in Iraq—bombing, looting, and shooting.
Thanks, Mr. Bush! It sure helps my recruiting!”

The Christians weren’t horrified—no, not at all.
They stayed loyal to Bush--"He’s our Chief, after all!
And he says all the things that we all love to hear,
And he talks about Jesus,
And plays to our fear,
And with Bush in the White House,
The End Times are near.”

And the Bush convinced many,
In tones of sweet purity,
That we ought to privatize Social Security—
“And Medicare, too! We must save that, too!
Privatize now!
It’s what Jesus would do!
For my deficit spending
Is mounting and mounting—
We can save both these programs
With Enron accounting!”

But one day some of the Christians awoke,
And saw what had happened,

Crying “Is this a joke?
Clinton balanced the budget, he balanced it! Yet,
Just three years of the Bush and there’s staggering debt—
Jillions and zillions and billions of debt--
And two million laid of--and it’s not over yet!
We’ll be taxed! We’ll be taxed! For we must pay it back!
The Bush promised us tax cuts that never roll back!”

The Bush lied about sponsoring lies re: John Kerry.
Some Christians asked “Is that so Christian? Not very.
Does the Bush really show Christian leadership fitness
By sponsoring folks to go bearing false witness?”

One or two of the Christians
Did take him to task,
And they doubted out loud,
and their brethren they asked:
“Does the Bush take His name—
Take the Lord’s name in vain--
Take the Lord’s name in vain
for political gain?”

But their Pharisees answered, and sneered with disdain,
“Bush does NOT take our Holy Lord God’s name in vain.
How can you say he takes His name in vain
If the net vote results in political gain?”

And the Bush changed the rules
Of American war—
New wars would not start like the old wars of yore.
The Bush said, “We shall not wait til we’re attacked!”
Why wait for a blow, or a stab in the back?
When I say we must,
We must always strike first!
We must strike surely first, or we’ll surely be cursed.
I’m doing away with that ‘other cheek’ pap—
I’m adopting the doctrine of pre-emptive slap!”

And the Christians went silent,
And looked on with awe--
For so much was now “right,” that had been “wrong” before.
Still, they won’t admit wrong. They’ll come out, one and all,
And they’ll vote for the Bush and the Veep in the fall.

But the worst thing they found
The most worstest of all,
Was that THEIR hearts had all grown
…Ten sizes too small.

William Prendergast is the author of the crime thriller “Forbidden Hollywood” and offers apologies (fearing reprisal) to a first-rate, great laureate (Theodore Giesel.)