National: The Presidential Worm Has Turned

The headline tells us:

Cheney enters the twilight of his career

Touching choice of words, isn’t it? It makes me think of Cheney, staring out the window into the falling rain in D.C., the violins come up, and he croons:

Oh, it’s a long, long time
…From May to December…
And the days grow shoooort
When you reach September…

It’s from Cheney’s “The Twilight of My Career” album. Always gets me, right…here.

“Once viewed as adding an air of gravitas to an inexperienced president, Cheney, 64, is now seen by many Americans as a driving force behind Bush's most divisive initiatives: the Iraq war, the National Security Agency's warrantless eavesdropping program, harsh detention and interrogation policies and an aggressive push for expanded executive authority.

Bad as Bush's poll numbers are, Cheney's are worse.”

So what. Poll numbers, schmoll numbers; bad decisions, schmad decisions. What do Bush and Cheney care about that? The important thing is their personal relationship. Read on:

Cheney is the only member of Bush's original national security team still holding the same job.
"The neo-cons are gone. Cheney is the last one, and you can't get rid of him," said Paul C. Light, a New York University professor of public service.
…
"For his first four years perhaps, maybe even a little bit longer, when he spoke the president listened. Now the president speaks and Cheney must listen. And it's the president who is setting the vice president's agenda and not vice versa."

Jeez, is that how they’ve been working this Bush Presidency thing? No wonder everything’s gotten so screwed up. I thought Vice Presidents were just supposed to go to funerals and insult the press. Cheney was setting the Bush agenda for years? If that’s true, I think it was damn nice of the press to let Bush think he was in charge all that time.

But things are going to be different from now on, eh? I can just picture it:

Cheney: Good morning, Mr. President. We’ve just received intelligence that—
Bush: SHUT UP!
Cheney: What?
Bush: You heard me, I said “shut up”! From now on, I’M running things around here, get me?
Cheney: Mr. President, I—
Bush: There’s a new boss in this White House, and his name is “George W. Bush,” not “Dick Cheney,” comprendo?
Cheney: But sir—
Bush: But nothing! Look at this! (shakes a copy of the Constitution in his face) Yes, I finally found out about it, Mr. VICE-President. It says I’M in charge here--not you! It turns out that the President is actually boss of the Vice-President, and NOT the other way around, as my “good friend” Dick Cheney once told me so long ago! How long did you think THAT little fact was going to escape my attention? Funny that you never found the time to mention THIS to me before, isn’t it, Dick Cheney? (waves the Constitution in his face.)
Cheney: Who gave that to you?
Bush: Never you mind who gave it to me! From now on, YOU’LL do what I say, Cheney boy, because, as it turns out, I’M actually YOUR boss! (tapping Constitution) It says so right here, in fancy old-timey writing. And guess what else? I read every line of this thing, and it turns out there’s absolutely NOTHING in here that says the President is the one who has to go and get sandwiches for the Vice President—and pay for those sandwiches, too! That was just another of your little LIES, wasn’t it, Cheney?
Cheney: Mr. President, let me explain—
Bush: Shut up! You’ve told me what to do and when to do it for years, Dick Cheney, when all that time it should have been the other way around. I never should have let you do my job orientation. It just so happens that there IS no such thing as “the Presidential office cubicle”—so you get your stuff out of MY office, pronto, Cheney boy! Pronto! And from now on, YOU’RE the one who’s going to have to lay out all the pads and pencils at the conference table before the cabinet meetings, how do you like THAT! From now on there’s gonna be some big changes around here, mister, believe you me! Hmmph. Yessir. Some big changes.