National: Novak Says Bush Knows CIA Leaker

WASHINGTON - Syndicated columnist Robert Novak on Thursday asserted that President George W. Bush knows who the source is who leaked the identity of CIA operative Valerie Plame. The White House immediately took issue with Novak's claim and has responded by using secret government technology to begin turning Novak into an old black man. (See photo, left.)

"If Bob doesn't get back into line and support the President," said White House Spokesman Scott McClellan, "It won't be long before he loses his membership at every private golf course south of the Beltway. Mr. Novak is an old friend and the President doesn't want to have to do this. But if Mr. Novak is determined to oppose this administration, the penalty will be severe, and it will be swift."


Mr. Novak declined to comment except to say "This is bullshit, too, and I hate that, too." He said he danced now at every chance down at honky tonks, throughout the South. But his dog up and died. He up and died.

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