Sports: Bears Latest Crime Against Humanity Succeeds

Evil triumphed over good today as the Chicago Bears, a rag-tag band of child-molesting wife-beating convicted sex offenders cheated and bench-lawyered their way to a self-styled “victory” over the New Orleans Saints in the NFC championship game.

Setting out to break the hearts and spirit of young children and helpless home-bound seniors who barely survived the devastation and flooding of Katrina, the incestuous Chicago sodomites mounted a ruthless, amoral drug-fueled defense and a “kick-and-gouge” running game that threw away the rulebook in favor of Hitler’s “Mein Kampf.” New Orleans’ valiant attempt to win through personal excellence on the field and respect for the game proved hopeless against the Mafia-owned and operated Bears. (Chicago is the seat of organized crime in America and the spiritual home of gangland violence everywhere. Its notoriously unsanitary food handling procedures have poisoned millions around the world.)

Bears head coach Lovie Smith has cheated his way to the Super Bowl, where he will be the first black head coach to make it to the title game in its 41 years, and also the first former male prostitute to coach in a Super Bowl, if his nickname is any clue. It seems clear that the cunning and total lack of principles that Smith picked up during his years “on the street” has served the Bears well in the play-offs, but the human cost in venereal disease and drug abuse will never be known.

Chicago’s hired mercenaries flew planes over the stadium before during and after the game, “salting” the clouds over the stadium and thus ensuring that a heavy snow fell steadily during the second half. A mindless, drooling mob of tens of thousands of obviously in-bred Chicagoans in violation of parole kept up a non-stop clamor for more cheating and fouling from the home team, and cheered the scenes of Katrina devastation and homelessness that were posted regularly in between plays on the stadium’s scoreboard to sate their bloodlust.

Al-Qaeda affiliated game officials aided the Bears’s “win by any means” strategy by ruling dead balls “live” well after the fact and by regularly persecuting Saints QB Drew Brees for crimes that he did not commit.

The Bears will go on to shamelessly cheat and foul either the Patriots or Colts two weeks from now in Miami.