Couple of Good Headlines Today...

by William Prendergast

First, the vice president warns terrorists again before sitting down to negotiate with them. How much does it cost to send two U.S. carrier groups to the Gulf to convince Cheney's conservative talk radio fans that the fact that we're negotiating with Iran is not necessarily an admission of the Bush adminstration's weakness?

Cheney warns Iran, assures allies on Gulf visit

"I warn you Iran--you keep on doin' what you're doin' in Iraq and we're going to negotiate! I mean it!We're serious this time, you hear that? We're coming in there to cave on a couple of issues! And this is not our final offer!"

"And you--our allies! This is Dick Cheney of the United States government, officially assuring you that our administration will bring the same diplomatic skills, political know-how and record of success to protecting your governments and lives as we have brought to the other nations of the Middle East. That's my guarantee to you."


And here's the next headline:
Pope, in Brazil, Urges Youth to Shun Sex, Drugs



"I did, and so did this kid with the flag--and look at us now! Pretty cool, eh?"

Seriously, though, kids: the Pope's right, stay away from drugs. That stuff will make you crazy, you lose your mind and start wandering around all over the place wearing weird clothes and talking to God and thinking God's talking back. You don't want to end up like that.