Another stupid Larry Craig piece
The "who set up Larry Craig?" mystery--solved!
Sen. Craig's Fall May Benefit Salmon
By MATTHEW DALY
Associated Press Writer
WASHINGTON (AP) -- The surprising fall of Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, removes a longtime obstacle to efforts by Democrats and environmentalists to promote salmon recovery on Northwest rivers.
(Cut to: Magnificent exterior shot in Idaho, Rockies in the background, river roaring in foreground, school of salmon swimming, fighting their way upstream. On the soundtrack we hear their salmon voices: “Yay!” “Yahoo!” “We win!” “Craig’s out!” “Yay!” “Whoopee!” “Let’s go get the girls!”)
Craig, who was removed from leadership posts on the Senate Appropriations and Energy committees after a sex scandal, is known as one of the most powerful voices in Congress on behalf of the timber and power industries. Environmentalists have fought him for years on issues from endangered salmon to public land grazing.
(Six months ago, at a police department in St. Paul, Minnesota: A detective is being bawled out by his superior for not catching more closeted gay men having sex in public restrooms. The detective’s cell phone rings, he answers.)
Watery voice: “Got a tip for you, Sherlock.”
“Who is this?”
Watery voice: “A friend. You want to see gay men having sex? Stake out the airport. The airport men’s room, the one near the food court. Get me?”
(Detective snaps at someone in the office:) Trace this call, I’ll try to keep him talking. (back into phone) That’s...uh... very interesting. Tell me more.
Watery voice: That’s all you need to know for now, Sherlock—
Other watery voices: Tell him about Senator Craig! Tell him about Craig—
First watery voice: (to others) Shuddup! I’ll handle it—
Detective: Who’s that there with you?
Watery voice: Never you mind that! You just stake out that restroom at the airport? Get me?
Detective: Something sounds wrong with your voice, you sound like you’re gargling—
Watery voice: We’re talking through a handkerchief to disguise our voices. Never mind that, you just stake out that restroom at the airport. And don’t forget that name! Senator Craig! Senator Larrrrrry Crrrraig... (he really “gargles” those “R’s”, as do the other voices on the line, who start chanting “Airrrrporrrrt rrrrrrestrrrrroom, Larrrrrry Crrrrraig...”)
Detective: Hello? Hello? (turns off cell) He hung up. (to an officer) Did you trace that call?
Officer: It’s no good, Sarge. It was from a public phone booth, out in the middle of nowhere—the Snake River in Idaho, or some wild-ass place.
Detective: Hmm. Sounds kind of fishy, to me. Still... it’s something. Better put a man on it.
Officer: Right, chief.
(Cut back to that magnificent exterior shot in Idaho, Rockies in the background, river roaring in foreground, school of salmon swimming, fighting their way upstream. On the soundtrack we hear their salmon voices: “Yay!” “Yahoo!” “We got him this time!” “Boy, we fucked *him* for a change!” “Yay!” “Whoopee!” “Let’s go get the girls!”)
Labels: Larry Craig