Monday, January 09, 2006

Economy: The World's Ten Most Dangerous Jobs

Safety on the job is hot topic in these days of conservative full court press for de-regulation of the workplace. A recent news story purported to list the ten most dangerous jobs in America, but the list turned out to be so generalized as to be useless. For example, the article asserts that there are about thirty fatalities per 100,000 workers in "Agriculture, Forestry, Fishing and Hunting." What good is that information, if you aren't told which jobs--specifically--within those fields are the most dangerous. Take "Forestry" for example. There are many kinds of jobs in the forestry field that are almost never dangerous (e.g. Long-Distance Tree Photographer, for example), while there are other jobs in forestry that are very dangerous indeed (e.g. Official Park Bear Teaser.)

Generalities tell us nothing. Here then is a specific list of the ten most dangerous jobs. (As a bonus, the list also identifies the safest job in the world.)

1. Driving a “Brokeback Mountain” advertising sound truck through Dallas.
2. Motorcycle helmet law enforcement spokesman assigned to dreaded “saloons and taverns” beat.
3. Hotel security guard at breakfast buffet during Jenny Craig National Convention.
4. Instructor for Pentagon’s elite Epileptic Bomb-Defusing Squad.
5. Manager of the “All-American Infidel” brand Fireworks Outlet Store in Baghdad.
6. SAT prep coach for Mike Tyson.
7. Greeter at the National Cocaine Detox Center for Elephants and Tigers.
8. “Full-immersion” Baptist minister whose congregation doesn’t love him enough to buy him a wireless microphone.
9. Human Whack-A-Mole head.
10. Personal live-in upholsterer to Tom Cruise.

World’s Safest Job: Head of Al Qaeda (so long as Bush is in office.)


At 8:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mmm... That's GOOD satire!

At 2:06 PM, Anonymous Eric said...

You left out "ordinary Iraqi citizen going about his/her own business."


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