Wednesday, February 22, 2006

National: Bush On Turning Over US Ports to Arabs--"We Are?"

Briefly: We’re fighting a war on terror, the terrorists we’re fighting are networks of foreign Arab fundamentalist Muslims--so someone thought that this was a good time to sell off six of America’s key seaports to a foreign company run by an Arab Muslim foreign power.

And the White House just loves this idea; the President says he’s going to veto any attempt to stop it.

On the one hand you have NATIVE Arab-Americans being investigated and spied on and harassed by the feds and threatened with being deported, and on the other hand you have the Bush administration handing over the security of ports in New York, New Jersey, Baltimore, New Orleans, Miami and Philadelphia—to FOREIGN Arabs, so that they can presumably wander in and out of American ports of entry at will.

This is why I’m not President. I mean—if I had to sell off American ports to foreigners (a dubious proposition in itself), I’d sell them to the fucking Dutch, they’re not suicide-bombing us, right?

But the weirdest thing of all about the “ports deal” is the latest Bush administration PR move in response to the outcry.

Up until less than two days ago, the President was a vociferous defender of the deal, threatening a veto if Congress tried to stop it. The administration was acting all outraged that anyone would even question the wisdom of the plan—“How could anyone doubt that the first concern of this alien, state-owned company from the Muslim world will be the security and safety of the U.S. and its citizens? How DARE you, sir! You are obviously some kind of RACIST, if you question the loyalty of these foreign Arab Muslim oil sheikhs to the United States!”

But fellow Republicans started having public heart attacks over the fact that the White House was handing over the ports of New York, New Jersey, Baltimore, New Orleans, Miami and Philadelphia to the Arabs for safekeeping. So today, the administration is attempting to distance itself from the whole mess by claiming that the President knew nothing about the “ports deal” before it actually went through.

An astonishing defense—for if it is true, it means that the plan entirely escaped the attention of the vast and much-vaunted anti-terrorist intelligence apparatus of the White House. “Didn’t know about it! Never heard of it! Nobody called us. Must have got right by our Homeland Security people again, how ‘bout that? But now that we do know about it—having just heard about it this weekend—it sounds like a damned good idea to us to turn over our ports to foreigners during a time of significant terrorist threat--and the President will veto any attempt to stop it! If it becomes a problem later, we’ll have someone go on TV and put up one of those magenta alert card warnings, don’t worry about it.”

Sadly, it is all too easy to believe that the pending “ports deal” entirely escaped the attention of the Bush administration until it was too late. Just look at these other deals that have gotten by the White House with little or no comment, it’s disgraceful:

“The Nukes Deal.” This is a plan to turn over the responsibility for storage, upkeep, and management of America’s nuclear arsenal to former members of the KGB. Rationale: Former KGB personnel have a lot of security experience and they work really cheap. After the Soviet Union broke up, a lot of these guys went private and many of them would like to move their businesses to the US so they can meet American girls. This is a win-win: it’s a cost-effective way to secure our nuclear weapons, and it keeps these ex-KGB guys off the streets, because if you don’t watch them like a hawk they set up another branch of the Russian mafia.

“The Gambling Addiction Deal.” This a plan to turn over all responsibility for government gambling addiction policy to a private company run by former Secretary of Education and Drug Czar William Bennett. (A similar initiative proposes Rush Limbaugh as head of a privatized Drug Enforcement Agency.) The idea is that Bennett, a gambler himself and America’s most credible conservative moralist, will be wise to the ways of gambling addicts. He will use his considerable experience to persuade addicts not to gamble, or at least minimize their losses by telling them where the loosest slots with the biggest payoffs can be found.

“The Bush Twins Deal.” Plan to turn the Bush twins over to the Bangkok sex industry. Until they are safely married off, the President’s attractive daughters will be placed in the charge of a private syndicate of Thai white slavers. This prevents Jenna and what’s her name from getting drunk, dressing like tramps (remember the last GOP convention?), or creating embarrassing scandals like Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton. The plan is to turn them over to these Thai whoremasters for safekeeping until marriage—these streetwise international pimps have been delivering in-tact virgins to customers for centuries; their word is their bond. They can handle two spoiled white girls, no problem.

All of the above plans are at least as disgraceful and stupid as the ports deal. Why doesn’t the mainstream media write something about this?


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