Friday, September 29, 2006

International: Bush Administration Spends $75 Million Taxpayer Dollars To Drip Shit On Heads of Iraqi Police

I gotta take a break. I’ve been busting my ass on this Bachmann thing for two weeks now, and I’m not even sure it’s going to pay off. Bachmann’s a lying nut, we’ve got the proof, but the dailies won’t touch that story.

So I’m taking a break--and for me that means: running an embarrassing scatological news item about more failures on the part of the Bush administration. Look at this, from today’s newswire:

Iraq police college a symbol of failed US plan
By Sue Pleming
Thu Sep 28, 5:14 PM ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - It was intended to showcase U.S. rebuilding efforts in Iraq, but instead Baghdad's new police academy was declared a health hazard by U.S. inspectors who found human waste dripping from the ceilings.

In a congressional hearing on Thursday, where even the Republican chair said the U.S. rebuilding effort was not a "pretty picture," the Baghdad Police College was held up as an example of how the $21 billion U.S. reconstruction plan for Iraq went wrong.

"Poor security, an arcane, ill-suited management structure and a dizzying cascade of setbacks," said committee chair Virginia Rep. Tom Davis, of the U.S. reconstruction program.

And that guy’s a Republican! Shit, dripping from the ceilings? You bet it's "a dizzying cascade."

We take you now to the morning roll call at the Assembly Room of the Baghdad Police Academy:

Captain Faisal: …and so, recruits, we are asking for your personal best in what is undoubtedly a difficult and dangerous policing situation—

Police Candidate Machmud: Sir!

Captain Faisal: Yes, police candidate Machmud!

Machmud: It’s really hard to concentrate on what you’re saying with shit dripping down on our heads, sir!

Faisal: We are all working under onerous conditions, Machmud! I have shit dripping down on my head, too! I have shit dripping down on my head in my office! Every single day! Do you hear me complaining? Put your police hat on, if you must, you effeminate whiner.

Police Candidate Ibrahim: But sir!

Faisal: Yes, Candidate Ibrahim.

Ibrahim: It will be very hard for us to exercise authority over criminal suspects if we are wearing shit-stained hats.

Faisal: There is truth in your words, Ibrahim. Everyone take your hats off. Anyway, as I was saying—

Police Candidate Hashim: Sir!

Faisal: Yes, Candidate Hashim?

Hashim: The smell in our new police academy is intolerable! I was raised on a goat farm, yet never have I experienced such nauseating fecal fumes! They permeate the entire academy!

Faisal: That is neither here nor there! Fools! Do you know how much our American taxpaying allies have paid to give us this lovely building?

Hashim: No, sir, how much?

Faisal: Seventy five million American dollars!

Recruits: (in unison) Jesus H. Christ!

Faisal: And you question their competence and generosity? This academy is part of a $21 billion re-construction effort by the Bush administration. Soon there will be buildings like this one all over Iraq!

(Uproar among the recruits.)

Faisal: Silence! This building is an extraordinarily expensive effort by the Bush administration to raise our morale! And by heaven, your morale will be raised! We owe that much to the American taxpayers!

Hashim: Sir!

Faisal: Yes, Candidate Hashim?

Hashim: Candidate Ibrahim is about to be sick! If he vomits in here, the pungent aroma of regurgitated cous-cous and acrid half-digested yogurt, added to the all-pervading smell of shit in this academy, will undoubtedly become the final straw that breaks the back of the proverbial camel, and the loyal recruits of the Baghdad Police Academy will begin a binge of serial hurling such as never been seen since the Shi’ite-Sunni split!

Faisal: Then take him outside!

Hashim: But sir! Outside the academy there are snipers and improvised explosive devices and an army of insurgents who will peel our testicles like tangerines!

Faisal: That cannot be helped! Do you men want to face the insurgents on the streets of Baghdad, or would you rather stay here inside this nice, new, if somewhat shit-filled $75 million dollar police academy paid for with American taxpayer dollars?

(The recruits run out of the building en masse, tripping over each other.)

Captain Faisal:(to himself) Ha ha ha! It’s working… Thank Allah for the American private sector…


At 10:39 AM, Blogger Chris Truscott said...

This is even worse. Sick.


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