The Foley Affair: How Did The Story About The Cover Up Get Into The Media?
I was going through the press accounts of the Foley scandal tonight. Trying to figure out who is who, who said what to whom and when, and which ones gave all those campaign donations to our own GOP congressional candidate here in the 6th district of Minnesota, the lovely and talented paranoid pathological liar Michele Bachmann.
I’ve been trying to figure out what happened--how the stuff about the GOP leadership’s cover up got out to the press. And it turns out that Representative John Boehner talked to the Washington Post about the cover up, back in September! He actually got on the phone with the Post and told them that GOP leadership knew about Foley, months before the story broke!
I think it must have gone something like this:
(GOP House Majority Leader John Boehner hangs up the phone, smiling. He just got off the phone with the Washington Post, but he thinks he handled it pretty well. The smart-alecky Post reporter was asking all sort of questions about Foley flirting with some kid via email, but Boehner managed to “fob off” the reporter with some non-committal stuff, plus a background anecdote or two. If only everyone else in the Party was as good as he was with the reporters--this whole thing would blow over in a day or so.)
(Then Boehner gets a “feeling” in the pit of his stomach. Something was “wrong” about that phone call. The Washington Post reporter seemed cheery when he hung up—maybe a little too cheery. Boehner reviews the phone conversation in his mind—did he say anything to the reporter that he might regret, later? He didn’t disclose anything, not really, the reporter already knew that Foley had emailed that kid…Boehner can’t quite put his finger on it, he can’t quite say what felt wrong about that call, but—)
(Then it hits him.)
Boehner: (suddenly shouts) S—T!
Mrs. Boehner: John! What’s the matter? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!
Boehner: S—T! S—T! S—T! I just told the Washington Post that Denny Hastert and I had a conversation six months ago about Mark Foley sending that kid dirty emails!
Mrs. Boehner: John, stop running around the room! You’re scaring me!
Boehner: Get out! Get out of here! Leave me alone, got to think, got to think—
Mrs. Boehner: Call them back, if you’re so upset about it, John, call them back and tell them you were wrong, you misremembered it—
Boehner: Oh, that’s brilliant! That’s just brilliant! I “misremembered” it! That didn’t even work for Reagan! Get out!
(Mrs. Boehner runs out of the room.)
Boehner: Jesus Christ! What was I thinking! (mopping his forehead, cinching his bathrobe) Got to come up with something! Some kind of excuse…I’ll tell ‘em I was drunk when I told ‘em that…no, that won’t work…I’ll tell ‘em it was…pirates…space aliens…My God, my God, God in Heaven, help me, please… They’ll set the FBI on us! If you get me out of this one, Lord, I’ll fund a dance for lepers and the blind in the Capitol Rotunda, please, please, Jesus--
(This goes on for about an hour. Boehner still hasn’t thought of anything, he’s down on his knees counting rosary beads, when:)
(The phone rings, again.)
Hastert: Hi, John. Denny Hastert here.
Boehner: G-g-good evening, Mr. Speaker. I suppose you’re calling this late because—
Hastert: You’ll never guess who I just got off the phone with, John. Never in a million years, will you guess, who just called me, just now.
Boehner: The…uh…(mumbles, his voice kind of trailing off) The, uh…Washington Post?
Hastert: What’s that? The Washington Post, you say? Jiminy Crickets, John, you guessed it! You got it right, first guess! How’d you know that? You psychic, boy? You got psychics in your family?
Boehner: Well, uh—
Hastert: You’re an amazing man, John Boehner! Amazing! But you’ll never GUESS what they wanted to talk to me about. I know you can’t guess that.
Hastert: They called ME up to tell me that YOU told them that you and I had a conversation—six months ago! About how Mark Foley was emailing a kid out in Florida, coming on to him like he wanted to f—k that kid or something. The Washington Post reporter told me that YOU told the POST that you and I were talking about THAT—six months ago!
Boehner: Look. Denny--
Hastert: You know John—I gotta take a moment here and ask you something. I wasn’t always in politics. I was a wrestling coach. I came to this politics thing kind of late in life, compared to some of you guys.
Hastert: So maybe I don’t have the “political instincts” that some of you more experienced guys have. You see--I would have thought that the fact that you and I—the Speaker of the House and the House Majority Leader--had a confidential conversation six months ago about how we knew that a Republican congressman was trying to f--k a male page—I would have thought that that was something that a politician would NOT want to disclose to the Washington Post. A month before a congressional election.
Hastert: Am I right about that, John? Or was this part of some larger, “grand strategy” of yours? Do have some kind of “hole card” you’re gonna play right now, to get us out this, to save the reputation of the conservative Republican leadership—a “magic hole card” that you couldn’t play, unless you first got on the phone and told the Washington Post that you and I knew this guy was trying to diddle pages six months ago?
Boehner: Jesus, Denny, I—
Hastert: Because if you’ve got a “magic hole card” that’s gonna get us out of this, and save our asses at election time this year—(shouts) NOW’S THE TIME TO PLAY IT, JOHN! RIGHT NOW! TONIGHT!
Hastert: YOU GET BACK ON THE F-----G PHONE RIGHT NOW! THIS INSTANT! AND YOU TELL THE WASHINGTON POST THAT THAT CONVERSATION NEVER HAPPENED!
Hastert: YOU DO IT! I ONLY GOT THIS F-----G JOB BECAUSE THE PRESS FOUND OUT MY IMMEDIATE PREDECESSOR WAS INTO S&M! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG HE LASTED AS SPEAKER, JOHN? TEN F-----G MINUTES! WHO THE F—K DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, JOHN, LARRY FLYNT?
There’s more, but it gets kind of loud, after that.