Monday, November 06, 2006


Tragedy struck a small town in Minnesota today when the fifteen-foot GOP Property Tax Rocket collided with a vehicle parked behind a Republican-managed auto repair shop.

The Rocket's pilot, Captain William J. Prendergast of Stillwater, Minnesota, was trying to guide the missile safely out the back way of a local gas station after fueling it up for another mission. But a safe launch was thwarted when Prendergast discovered that the small service road behind the gas station did not lead back on to the main highway. Instead the service road led him to the one-way exit for the gas station's built-in self-service car wash, and Prendergast found that he and the rocket were trapped.

The collision occured when Prendergast tried to back the GPTRLPT ("GOP Property Tax Rocket Launch Platform Trailer") out of the CWD ("Car Wash Driveway".) At that point the automatic door of the car wash opened and a LOLIAS(Little Old Lady In A Subaru) stared in disbelief at the giant missile pointed at her.

The LOLIAS was trapped inside the car wash, her way obstructed by the Property Tax Rocket, and the automatic streamers and BFDTs (Big Furry Dryer Things) continued to operate relentlessly on her already spotless vehicle.

Prendergast says he realized that he had to act quickly or the woman would panic. He put the RLV ("Rocket Launch Vehicle") into reverse gear and tried to back out. But the situation deteriorated further when Prendergast's IDGS ("Internal Directional Guidance System") failed him and he backed the GOP Property Tax Rocket into the RARSM's (Republican Auto Repair Shop Manager's) SUV (Suburban Utility Vehicle.)

Emerging from the craft without serious personal injury, Prendergast produced a cigar and lit it while he surveyed the damage. Seeing that no civilians had been injured, he returned to the vehicle and guided it to a safe harbor at the other side of the gas station lot.

Prendergast entered the manager's office and gave his name, phone number and address to the on-duty supervisor. It was here that he learned that the SUV belonged to the manager of the auto-shop. "I must admit I was a little worried when I looked around the shop and saw that they had posted up "Bush/Cheney '04" stickers," said Prendergast. "And I figured I was in for big trouble when I saw that other sign, the one that said "I'd rather go hunting with Dick Cheney than driving with Ted Kennedy."

What could have become a major political incident was avoided when the manager returned and Prendergast produced his automobile insurance card. The manager did not abuse Prendergast for pilot error, but made a photographic record of the damage to the SUV on a state-of-the art digital camera.

Damage to the GOP Property Tax Rocket was also minimal. "Just a bent tail fin," grinned Prendergast. "I'll take her back to base and get her fixed up--and she'll be flying again in no time."


At 1:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did he provide you with any pictures?

At 11:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good thing it was only minimal damage, especially in such hostile territory. Is she still able to fly?

At 11:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, she will, thankfully. And we need her for today.

At 2:03 PM, Blogger Triakel said...

First that bus sign in front of Sebastian Joe's, now this ...

At least you can prove the tax rocket is indiscriminate. It's hit both liberal and conservative targets.

Soar on, captain.

At 2:34 AM, Blogger Prendergast said...

How did you know about that bus sign in front of Sebastian Joe's?

That incident was classified, you fool.

Obviously, someone talked.

Quick, everybody but me--bite down on your cyanide capsules.


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