GOP PROPERTY TAX ROCKET STRIKES STILLWATER, WOODBURY!

I can see my strategic error, now.

With hindsight, all has become clear.

My GOP Property Tax Rocket has demonstrated its all too deadly effectiveness this election. After circling the area around Woodbury and Stillwater for the last few days, it descended with a shattering impact and destroyed the candidacies of incumbent GOP legislators LeClair and Charron.

Their careers in St. Paul were blown to smithereens this evening. But Matt Dean, the weakest of the four GOP legislators in the St. Croix Valley, escaped the holocaust and managed to defeat his opponent by the slimmest of margins.

Which is a shame, in a way, because House Representative Mike Charron, for all his loathsome fiscal policy, has twice the brains that House Representative Dean has.

I attribute Dean’s survival to my failure to accurately target his precincts prior to the election. Dean was also a political protégé of Michele Bachmann; the support of her local biblical literalist base was almost certainly instrumental in preserving his political life.

I bet that Charron and LeClair are sorry now that they didn’t submit to full-immersion baptism just prior to the election.

And what of La Bachmann? I fear that her ghastly triumph can also be laid at my doorstep. Despite months of alternately importuning and and insulting the most liberal of the Minnesota media, I was never able to persuade them to print or broadcast the documented collection of conspiracy theories and hate rhetoric that are her political career.

Thus, voters outside the St. Croix Valley remained largely unaware of her paranoia and hatemongering. I blame myself; I overestimated the intelligence, ethics, and dedication to duty of the staff of the Star Tribune and MPR.

Next time I will not let them break my heart and do a disservice to the voters of Minnesota. Next time, I will take my case directly to the streets—a forty-foot, glow-in-the-dark, anti-Bachmann rocket…