Bachmann Seizes Bush: Even I Think That's Disgusting
Everybody's sending me disgusting pictures of my Congresswoman feeling up the President of the United States and grabbing him and shmooshing his lips and spreading herself all over him--yuuchh!
Please, no more! No more pictures like that in my mailbox, it makes my skin crawl... Trying to fulfill her sexual fantasies at the State of the Union speech; how weird is that? There's a "Letter To Penthouse" I never wanted to read:
"I always thought your Letters to Penthouse Forum were made up until I had the most erotic experience of my life last week."
I hold a position of great responsibility in Washington, D.C. (My advisers say it would not be wise to tell you exactly what the nature of my job is.) Anyway, I had just finished delivering my State of the Union Address and was walking down the aisles, glad-handing Congressmen and signing Senators' programs, when all of the sudden this really hot fifty-year old in a tight white cocktail dress reached out and grabbed me."
"Even though I am married and have kids, this gave me a hard-on you could drive a nail with! A hot grandma, grabbing me in public, with the nation's news cameras rolling on us--and this aging mother of five biological kids and twenty-three foster kids just refused to let go! She gotta have it! As my good friend Tony Blair would say: "YEAH, BABY!" She was comin' on like she wanted to do me right there on the Capitol floor! It was a little embarrassing, because my wife and her husband and constituents were watching."
"But I was never so hard in my life, not since I stopped doing coke. Then this chick--I'll call her "Maybelle"--grabs a hold of me and rubs up against me and gives me the hottest lip action I ever got from any elected official, anywhere (except maybe Norm Coleman.) It took all my self-control not to shoot my wad right there and then, all over Daniel Webster's old desk."
"She slipped her phone number into my mouth with her tongue, the horny little minx. I know it's wrong, but maybe one night soon I'll give her a call and we'll get in the back of the Presidential limo and I'll whip out Little George and the Twins so she can--"
EEeeeyeeew! No more, no more, please. Get me out of here, now, let's talk about economics or something.