GOP Prez Candidate Campaign Songs Are Here!

We used to have good campaign songs; before I was born the Dem’s theme song was “Happy Days Are Here Again.” They’d sing it at the convention:

Happy days
Are here again
The skies above
Are clear again
Let us sing a song
Of cheer again!
Happy days are here again!

Great song, got the crowd going.

The absolute worst attempt at a campaign song was by the Dole campaign; the year he ran against Clinton and lost. Some bright mind at his campaign thought it might be a great idea to change the words of Sam and Dave’s “I’m A Soul Man” to “I’m a Dole Man.”

I’m a Doooole Man... (da-da-da, d-da-da-da)
I’m a Doooole Man... (da-da-da, d-da-da-da)

It was that--plus the dead deer in front of the campaign bus, the fact that he told bigots they were not welcome in the GOP, and the fact that he actually tried to beg Perot for votes--that did him in. The prospect of watching a convention full of overwhelmingly white Republicans trying to “get down” to “I’m a Dole Man” was too much for Americans to face; they did the right thing and Clinton was re-elected.

Where are the campaign songs for the current GOP crop of losers, you ask? Why, they’re right here:

“Romney Egg Man”
(sing this one to the Beatles’ “I Am the Egg Man.” This one’s kind of abstract, like Romney’s campaign, lately.)

Huckabee has you (not me) cause Huck has made it
All about religion
See how he runs like God’s only son
See how he climbs
I’m dyin’—

Kissing up to cornheads
Can’t believe that they’re so dumb
Wasted all my bankroll--stupid bloody Christians
They will pick the nominee
I feel my face grow long

Romney Egg Man
Romney Egg Man
Romney Mormon
(Huck-huck-a-bee!)

Mister pretty Christian, voting--
“Voting Christians, I’m a Christian, too-oo-oo!”
(“Ho-ho-ho, hee-hee-hee, ha-ha-ha!”)
See how they run like they think I’m done, see how fly
I’m dyin’
I’m dyyyy-ing
I’m dyin’
I’m diiiiiiiiii---ying!

“Giuliani Dance”
(sing this to “Do You Wanna Dance,” an old fifties favorite covered by the Ramones, I think. Very romantic, like Rudy:)

Giuliani dance
And hold their hands
Tell the right you’re their lover man
Oh baby,
Giuliani dance.

Giuliani dance
Under the spotlight
Yell “nine-eleven” all day and night
Oh baby,
Giuliani, dance

Giuli-giuli-giuli, Giuliani dance!
Giuli-giuli-giuli, Giuliani dance!
Oh baby
Giuliani da-ance.

Giuliani dance
To be the nominee
Avoid your mistresses and fam-i-ly,
Oh baby
Giuliani, dance.

(Here’s John McCain’s—another Beatles’ hit—“She Came In Through The Bathroom Window.”)

McCain is through, the bathshit weirdo
Rejected, finished, none too soon.
And now he sucks his thumb and wonders
Why “more war” didn’t make us swoon.

He said he shunned evasive answers
He fundraised 15 bucks a day
His pro-war message sold like cancer--
We all knew that it would not play.

Didn’t anybody tell him?
Didn’t anybody see?
Money’s only goin’ til Sunday,
Tuesday—into bankruptcy.
Oh, yeah...

(Mike Huckabee? He’s goin’ like gangbusters, so naturally he went with a hot Elvis tune:
“And Marie’s the Name (Of His Latest Flame)”:)

A very old scam
Worked fine today
'Cause we been calling everyone in town
To spread religious hatred round
Huckabee’s my name, bigotry’s my game.

Mitt talked and talked
and I heard him say
That he was Christian through and through
But my guys said it wasn’t true
Huckabee’s my name, bigotry’s my game.

Though he smiled the tears inside were a-burning
I wished him luck and then I said goodbye
Now he’s gone with no chance of returning
Guess we were smart to mention plural wives.

Would you believe
that yesterday
My name was dogshit in the GOP
Now I’ll be the nominee
Huckabee’s the name, bigotry’s my game