National: Bush Approval Rating At All Time Low; Prendergast Approval Rating At All Time High

A CBS News poll released on Monday shows that President George W. Bush's job rating has fallen to an all-time low of 34 percent, amid strong opposition to the Dubai Ports World deal and increasing pessimism over the war in Iraq. At the same time the approval rating of Bush’s long-time political adversary, William Prendergast, has undergone a dramatic rise.

“An increasing number of Americans are beginning to come around to the Prendergast way of thinking,” said a spokesman for the National Institute of Political Opinion and Polling Stuff. “Prendergast has been telling people for years that President Bush is a deeply dishonest moron, that his henchmen are arrogant liars and incompetents, and that his promoters in the media are cynical hypocrites and con-men. Prendergast was among the first to identify the modern GOP as the party of institutionalized corruption and the worst sort of demagoguery. The latest polls show that his message is finally getting through.”

Bush's previous low job approval rating of 35 percent came last October, a month after Hurricane Katrina laid waste to the Gulf Coast and shortly after the U.S. death toll in Iraq reached the 2,000 mark. The new low in Bush’s approval rating came after he decided to turn over America’s ports to a bunch of goddamn Arab oil sheikhs.

Seventy percent of those surveyed disapproved of the President’s handling of Iraq and 59 percent disapproved of his overall performance on the job. Another 76 per cent believe that the President would also be “a lousy lay.” Prendergast in contrast is described as a perceptive and canny observer of the modern political scene and, according to at least one source, “great in bed.”

Asked to explain the new low in the President’s ratings and the accompanying rise in his own, Prendergast commented: “Any responsible person who knew anything about George W. Bush and about the problems facing America at the beginning of the twenty-first century would have predicted that Bush would fail, miserably. Bush should resign, but the problem isn’t even Bush, really—the problem is those thirty-four percent of Americans who believe in him and helped to re-elect him.”

“They’re proto-fascists,” said Prendergast, warming to his theme. “Their loyalty is to ‘the right-wing leader,’ however horribly he performs, however horrible his deeds. They don’t really want democracy, they’re too fearful and angry and stupid--they need to follow some self-styled “strong man”, no matter what the cost to themselves or to generations of their fellow citizens. Despite the fact that he’s led the country from one disaster into another, over and over again, they still claim they believe in him.”

“It’s that thirty-four percent,” Prendergast emphasized. “They’re just too dumb to acknowledge reality and they haven’t got the character to admit they were wrong--to admit that they themselves are people of bad judgment for believing in his lies and those of his powerful supporters and promoters. They’d vote for Mussolini if you re-packaged him as a “no-new-taxes” born-again Christian and lost that Italian accent. It just goes to show that if you start out by relying on a bunch of talk-radio, Fox News Network turds for your political information, you’re going to end up counting body-bags, with the whole country in hock to the Red Chinese.”

“Like everyone else in America,” Prendergast continued, his curly locks blowing in the breeze, “I know things can be better than this, because like everyone else in America I can remember a time when this country’s biggest problem was Monica Lewinski. The problem is a failure of leadership, and things won’t begin to improve until these conservative crooks, cranks and imbeciles are driven from positions of influence by a justifiably outraged public.”