Forget About Bush Drinking; It's Condi Who's Plastered

She must be! She must be high as a kite on something. She says that history is going to vindicate the Bush Administration. Look at this:

Jun 8, 8:42 PM EDT

Rice: History Will Rate Bush Well

NEW YORK (AP) -- Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice says history will remember President Bush's foreign policy favorably despite current troubles in Iraq, Iran, North Korea and the Middle East

(I put this link into TinyUrl, and it threw up.)

"History's judgment is rarely the same as today's headlines," she said Friday in an interview with The Associated Press.
(Oh, yeah. Remember how tough the media was on the Nazis, back in WWII? They’re laughing out of the other side of their face, now, aren't they?)

Rice said she believed the world was more dangerous before Bush took office in January 2001 than it is now.
(Yeah, who wants the world of the 1990s back? America’s biggest problems were Monica Lewinsky and the OJ trial--who’d want to go back to that, compared to the sweet deal we’ve got now?)

"Six years ago ... it wasn't a very nice world." (She thinks it's nicer now?) "Al-Qaida was preparing to attack the twin towers," (yeah, but you didn’t want to hear about that, Condi, don't even go there)Pakistan was allied with the Taliban, (yeah, now Pakistan is just another Taliban base, that's all) "Afghanistan was the base from where al-Qaida was going to operate," (thank God that’s no longer the case) "the Israelis and Palestinians had given up.” (Well, the Bush Road Map To Peace sure settled that, didn’t it?)

“The North Koreans were cheating on a deal that they had just signed,” (Yeah, no more cheating by Kim Jong Il, thank God that’s over. That last atomic missile they launched was held together with duct-tape! Congratulations, Mr. Bush!)

“Iran was cheating on the IAEA out of sight and Saddam Hussein was shooting at our pilots in the no-fly zone (now Iraqis can shoot at American soldiers in downtown Baghdad; saves us a fortune in airplanes and jet fuel) “and making a mockery of the oil-for-food program and corruption was running rampant in that program." (But in no time at all, the GOP had moved the corruption right back here to the US, where it belongs. “USA! USA!”)

"That was the world. A worse world? I think so." (And you’re not alone! Twenty-eight per cent of the electorate still agrees with you, they think a pointless war that increases the numbers and reach of terrorists is preferable to another Clinton administration. They keep on agreeing with you, even though you’re now doing something the administration and its defenders said no one in his right mind should ever do—negotiating with the terrorist-sponsoring states of Syria and Iran.)

"I think that what this president has done is ... to set up the long struggle that we are going to have to resolve particularly the problem of the growth of extremism in the Middle East, which was clearly there underneath the surface and exploded on Sept. 11."
(“’Set up’ the long struggle?” You’re understating the Chief’s achievement, Condi. That dumb shit in the White House has *fostered* the growth of extremism in the Middle East! Now Turkey is coming into the war! There are more terrorists in the world now than when he started. And yeah, the problem “was clearly there underneath the surface” before September 11, and it did explode. So why the f did you ignore the problem for nine months, when you were National Security Adviser? And how’d you get promoted, when you should have been fired? That indicates another “problem that is clearly there underneath the surface.”)

Asked how long it would take for the Bush administration's initiatives to succeed, Rice counseled patience. (“Four more years! Or maybe fifty, who knows…”)

"I think there is a lot of progress," she said. "Now, will we see the end of all this? Maybe not.” (Statistically, Condi will live another twenty five years or so.)

“But when you are confronted with a fundamentally changed strategic set of circumstances (translation: I majored in “The Cold War,” I just never got the hang of this Sunni/Shi'ite stuff), you can try to put Band-Aids on it, or you can say we are going to have to deal with the root problems here and it may take a long time." (They should have tried Band-Aids. I mean real Band-Aids, like from Johnson and Johnson: much less expensive, couldn’t have turned out much worse.)

"It may take successive administrations to succeed. But we know what you have to put in place so that successive administrations can succeed." (“And what we have put in place is “complete and utter failure”, so that successive administrations are bound to succeed, by comparison.”) “And you don't get there by covering up the problems or trying to find a temporary solution to them that isn't worth the paper it's written on." (I thought that was the Bush strategy for the past seven years.)

I saw video on YouTube of a talking cat that was making more sense than Condi is right now. (It’s the last cat in the video clip.) Bush is probably going to make that cat his next National Security Advisor. And if the cat loses three thousand lives and the New York skyline and part of the Pentagon to terrorists—he will promote it to Secretary of State. A talking cat as Secretary of State—that is probably the only way to improve this administration’s historical reputation.

“Oh, Long Johnson… Oh, Don Piano…All the live long day…”