Gonzales: "Duh--I guess I lied again..."

Gonzales Now Says Top Aides Got Political Briefings

By Dan Eggen and Paul Kane
Washington Post Staff Writer and washingtonpost.com Staff Writer
Saturday, August 4, 2007; Page A05

Justice Department officials attended at least a dozen political briefings at the White House since 2001, including some meetings led by Karl Rove, President Bush's chief political adviser, and others that were focused on election trends prior to the 2006 midterm contest, according to documents released yesterday.

(So what. Big deal. Karl Rove was telling the nation’s chief law enforcement officials that they should prosecute Democrats and not Republicans. So what, who cares. There’s no scandal here, come on...)

Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales told the Senate Judiciary Committee last week that he did not believe that senior Justice Department officials had attended such briefings. But he clarified his testimony yesterday in a letter to Congress, emphasizing that the briefings were not held at the agency's offices...

(That’s right. They weren’t held at the Justice Department offices—they were held in the WHITE HOUSE—*very* important distinction they’re making there, very important.)

...A list of briefings for Justice officials was included with a letter sent yesterday from Gonzales to Sen. Patrick J. Leahy (D-Vt.), chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, which sought to clarify and correct parts of his testimony before the panel on July 24...

At the July 24 hearing, Sen. Edward M. Kennedy (D-Mass.) asked Gonzales whether any of "the leadership of the Department of Justice" had participated in political briefings, pointing to examples involving employees from the State Department, Peace Corps and U.S. Agency for International Development.

"Not that I'm aware of. . . . I don't believe so, sir," Gonzales said.

(Well, then that’s that, then. If Gonzales says there were no political briefings, then we know that there were no political briefings. If Al Gonzales, being investigated month after month after month for lying to Congress, says that there were no political briefings for the Justice Department by the White House, we can be sure there weren’t—because Al and everybody in his office have been going over the records of the Justice Department’s political activism for months now—so we can be sure that if Al says there were no political briefings by Rove or the White House for Justice Department officials, he’s telling the truth this time, because he doesn’t want to get caught lying again if it later comes out that there were in fact a bunch of political briefing for Justice Department officials, we know he’s telling the--)

Justice officials attended 12 political briefings at the White House, and another held at the Department of Agriculture, from 2001 to 2006, according to the list sent to Waxman. At least five were led by Rove or included presentations by him.

(Oh, SHIT! God damn. How about that. He lied again. Who would have thought? And WTF is this, a political briefing for Justice Department officials at the Department of AGRICULTURE? WTF is THAT all about? “Well, we’re not allowed to receive political briefings at the Justice Department.” “So you took the Justice officials over to the Department of *Agriculture* to get a political briefing?” “Yeah. What—is that wrong?” “You think that’s observing the law, do you?” “Well...I mean...We hopped in a car, they took us over to Agriculture...we had some fresh milk, and Rove told us that we ought to disenfranchise more voters. It’s a very nice place to have a political briefing. What are you looking at me like that for?”

The list compiled by Justice did not include many details about the kind of information presented at those briefings...

(Rove:“Okay, now, fellers, now pay attention. Now how many of you are NOT willing to help us criminalize the Democratic Party? Okay, that’s a good show of hands, good, good...And many of you want to KEEP your jobs?”)

One March 2001 meeting included a "political update" from Rove and a discussion on "how we can work together to advance the President's agenda."

(“How We Can Work Together To Advance The President’s Agenda”--That’s a much better name for the briefing than the original choice: “How We Can Use Our Office to Terrorize the Democratic Party and Disenfranchise More American Voters.”)

Political briefings by White House aides have become a political flashpoint on Capitol Hill in recent months. Waxman is investigating whether the meetings violated the Hatch Act, which prohibits federal employees from engaging in partisan political activity on federal government property.

(Boy, that guy Waxman sure has a bug up his ass, doesn’t he? (mimicking) “I’m gonna investigate whether you were engaging in partisan political activity on federal property, I’m gonna get you for violating the Hatch Act, nyeh-nyeh-nyeh, I’m gonna tell your mommies...” Why don’t you be a man, Waxman. Go fix a traffic ticket or something.)

The White House has denied that the briefings were improper, saying they were merely informational meetings for political appointees.

(Rove: “This is strictly an informational meeting, folks. So I’d like to *inform* you that any one of you who won’t play ball, is gonna be out on his or her ass. Comprendo?”)

Sara M. Taylor, the former White House political director, and J. Scott Jennings, the current deputy political director, have testified that the briefings were designed to thank such appointees for their service to the president.

(Well who could possibly object to that—all that Taylor and Jennings were doing was thanking these wonderful attorneys for--)

Other briefings given by Taylor and Jennings have included detailed PowerPoint presentations, including district-by-district analyses of critical House races.

(OH, SHIT! “Now you see, US attorneys, this race, right here, where I’m pointing with this laser pointer, is VERY important to us. What we want you to do is get some dirt on the Democrat in this election, because it’s gonna be close. So take a couple of guys off the Mafia, drug-dealing thing and put them on the Dem contender in this race here—“ “Excuse me, but isn’t that political?” “Who let that ya-hoo in here? Call security.”)

...Meanwhile, Congress has questioned the role that political considerations played inside Gonzales's Justice Department in both the firing of nine U.S. attorneys last year and in the hiring of career employees, the latter an apparent violation of civil-service laws.

(“Do you promise to support George W. Bush, the Republican Party and all its works?” “Yes, I do.” “Congratulation. Job for life, there you go.” “Great! Hey, is this legal?” “Of course it’s legal, dumbass! Why do you think they call us the JUSTICE Department. Duh!”)