Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Iraqi Government: "Stay in Baghdad? IN THIS HEAT?"

Don't you love how Tony Snow's arguing that you can't expect the Iraqi government to stay in town for the surge because it gets too hot in Baghdad in August? Gee, it’s too bad nobody foresaw the fact that Baghdad gets hot in the summer. You’d think that the Bush guys would have seen that "big issue" coming, after we spent four years there...

US says Iraqi lawmakers to take August break
Published: Friday July 13, 2007

The White House said Friday that Iraq's parliament may take the month of August off but downplayed the impact on political reconciliation efforts seen as key to quelling deadly violence.

"My understanding is at this juncture they're going to take August off, but you know, they may change their minds," said spokesman Tony Snow, who refused to say whether there had been US efforts to dissuade them.

(“Members of the Iraqi government! This is Ryan Crocker, your new American ambassador. Look at this, a line of gorgeous girls, right here in the capital, all for you, look at them go! Kick-turn, kick-turn, kick-turn, you go, girls, look at those birqahs whirl! And wheel barrows full of Yankee cash, fabulous prizes, all the non-alcoholic champagne you can drink, why go off on vacation when everything you need is right here in amazing Baghdad, fun capital of the—“
“Forget it, yankee lackey, we’re splitting.”
“Come on guys. We’re spending a hundred and twenty-five million dollars a day over here, we got this band, and the girls... Can’t you take your vacation in December?”
“Sorry, dude. It’s a time-share thing. If we don’t go now, we eat that money. Goddam condos, you know, heh heh—“
“Can we tell the American people you might change your minds?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah... sure. Tell ‘em we might change our minds at the last minute and decide to spend the deadliest month of this year in Baghdad...heh heh heh...did you hear that one, boys? I told the Americans we might change our minds and stay...heh heh heh...is this our cooler?”
“But this really sends the wrong message about your commitment to—hey, look at this! the casino is now open, just for your exclusive use of you, the Iraqi government, right here in the middle of the Green Zone! Look at the entertainment lineup, it’s Cirque de Soleil, Wayne Newton singing the call to prayer! And how about that new twenty four hour buffet that serves breakfast any time, hey, why travel abroad now, when fabulous Baghdad is your magic carpet ride to fun, fun, fun-“
“Put some new tags on our luggage, fellows. If it gets lost during the trip we want it sent to Switzerland, not back here.”
“Couldn’t you just take a one week vacation at the beginning of August, and then the rest of the vacation later?”
“No. We lose our sick days if we do that. (to bellboy) Careful with that one! There’s gold in there!”)

"You know, it's 130 degrees (54 Celsius) in Baghdad in August..." (Tony Snow) said when a reporter asked about the impact on an Iraq progress report due by September 15.

Reminded that the heat affected the roughly 160,000 US troops in Iraq, Snow replied: "You know, that's a good point. And it's 130 degrees for the Iraqi military."

(And for everybody who’ll get killed while the Iraqi government's on vacation, right, Tony? Good point. And it's not like you can have air-conditioning in Baghdad, you know. Because if they put glass in the windows of the Green Zone government buildings to keep the air conditioning in, the glass explodes whenever the bombs go off--and then you’re talking another trip to the hospital, my friends. Or the morgue.

No, I’m not kidding about that last part. My Congresswoman, Michele Bachmann, made a one-day visit to Baghdad and met with Ambassador Ryan Crocker in his office in the Green Zone. She reported that the ambassador has no glass in the windows of his office, which was under mortar and rocket attack when she was visiting. Actually it’s a good thing that there’s no glass in the windows; that way the rockets and bombs just shoot straight through one window and out the window on the other side of the room, with any luck at all.

Anyway, Bachmann had to wear seventy pounds of body armor and a Kevlar helmet during her one day visit to the Green Zone, and she said it’s 130 degrees in Baghdad right *now*, this month. I can’t figure out why Snow thinks it matters that it’s 130 degrees in August, *too.*)

...Vice President Dick Cheney and the US ambassador, Ryan Crocker, have tried to convince the Iraqi parliament not to take such a long break at a time when US soldiers are fighting and dying and US support for the war is at a low ebb...

(“But this looks just awful, please don’t take a month off now, for Christ’s sake, you haven’t met any of the benchmarks and you’re insisting on a month long vacation, and all the time you’re on vacation our kids are fighting and dying out there to save your government —“
“So are our kids, Cheney! That’s why we’re taking *our* kids with us, on vacation. Why don’t you guys take a vacation, too? Take your kids with you. Then you have nothing to worry about, see? Oh, look the armored limos are here. (takes sip from coconut with little parasol in it, toasts) Aloha, my American friends! Tell your soldiers we’ll send a postcard to Walter Reed, eh?”)



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