Saturday, June 30, 2007

Fox News: Bush Immigration Reform Status Report

This is a rush transcript of "Special Report With Brit Hume" from June 28, 2007.

BRIT HUME, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: Next on SPECIAL REPORT, that immigration bill goes down in a stampede of no votes, in which even some of the bill's previous backers voted no. It is now dead. ,,,
... All that right here, right now. Welcome to Washington. I'm Brit Hume. Not only did the Senate immigration bill go down today, it was swamped. It sank so deep, it's not likely to come back in this Congress or in this presidency. Congressional correspondent Major Garrett reports it's all over, including the shouting.

Hume: (continued) I mean, we’re talkin’ dead here, folks. Centerpiece bipartisan achievement of Bush’s second term? How is it, you ask? It’s dead, that’s how it is. (draws finger across his throat) Vvvip! (sticks tongue out, rolling his eyes up into his head) “Dead! Ack!” (looks back into camera) DEAD! This bill has flatlined! Eeeeeeeee... It was killed in a stampede of no votes! It’s (mouths word “dead” silently at camera). President Bush pulled out all the stops to save it, he used every ounce of his remaining political capital to lean on Republicans to put it through and—AS A RESULT!—it’s DAAAAID!

Look—what part of this “dead” thing don’t you people understand? We been watchin’ it for weeks, it hasn’t moved, it’s startin’ to stink, they’s flies around it, it’s—DEAD! Here’s British comic John Cleese to explain it to you exactly how dead it is. John?

(Cut to: John Cleese, holding microphone in front of Westminster. Graphic say: “John Cleese, reporting live from London.”)

Cleese: Thanks, Brit. President Bush’s immigration reform bill, which he claimed would be passed by Memorial Day, is now officially dead. The president has spent weeks trying to get bill passed in order to prove that he was still very much in command in Washington. Instead he was deserted by the Republican party and has proved that he is no longer relevant to his own political party or its agenda. As a result, the president’s immigration reform bill is dead. Quite dead. This immigration reform bill is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If Bush hadn't nailed it to the perch it'd be pushing up the daisies! It’s metabolic processes are now 'istory! It's off the twig! It's kicked the bucket, it's shuffled off this mortal coil, rung down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-IMMIGRATION REFORM BILL!!

Cut back to Fox studio, Brit Hume, laying in an open coffin with lit candles all around him, "Nearer My God To Thee" plays softly on organ in background.

Hume: Look! I’m doing an imitation of Bush’s immigration reform bill! Get it?

(cut to Neil Cavuto)
Cavuto: Okay, thanks Brit, I think the folks at home get it. In other news today, the United States Supreme Court—

(Hume rushes into shot with Cavuto, yells into camera)
Cavuto: Okay, Brit, okay—
(Hume keeps screaming dead until the men come and get him, again.)



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