Politics: "Cheney's Angels"

It’s hard to understand the present administration. But after seven years and shifting personnel changes, you can finally get a sense of what this was “all about.”

It’s kind of like a “70’s jiggle TV show” that they’re trying to keep alive in the White House--except that instead of marketing the “jiggle”, they’re marketing “war on terror.”
So the best way to understand the Bush crew is probably via the ultimate 70’s “jiggle” TV show—“Charlie’s Angels.”

On that show, “Charlie” was a mysterious unseen figure who gave his team of lovely, crime-fighting “Angels” orders over an intercom, which they carried out without question. The equivalent in the White House is of course Dick Cheney, the mysterious unseen figure who gives the President and his team orders over an intercom.

The most famous incarnation of the Angels was from the first season, and this is also true of the Bush White House. All were beautiful, so here’s how you tell them all apart:

Sabrina—the tall sensible one with the sensible hairstyle who wore trousers—Kate Jackson. In the Bush admistration, this would be Colin Powell.

Jill—the one with the biggest hair and the most protuberant nipples—Farah Fawcett Majors. Bush Administration equivalent: Donald Rumsfeld, former Secretary of Defense, the one with the biggest budget and the most protuberant nipples.

Kelly—the brunette who drew gasps when she appeared in a bathing suit—Jaclyn Smith. In the Bush administration, this would be Karl Rove, the balding one who regularly drew gasps with his non-existent respect for law or ethics (or when he appeared in a bathing suit.)

As with the TV show, some Bush cast members left after the first few seasons and went on to well-deserved obscurity. But new “Angels” replaced them:

Kris—Cheryl Ladd. Came in to replace Farrah Fawcett. In the Bush world, this would be Condoleeza Rice, who came in to replace Colin Powell. The reason she is equated with Cheryl Ladd is that Ladd would have done just as good a job as National Security Advisor and Secretary of State.

Julie—the redheaded one—Tanya Roberts. Harriet Meiers is the Tanya Roberts of the Bush administration, because she’s been promoted far beyond her own abilities, but she can read her lines and do what the boss says. And nobody can seem to remember her, despite all the media attention she gets.

Finally (thank God): Tiffany—Shelley Hack. The one from the last couple of seasons you can never quite place. The “Tiffany” of the Bush administration is Alberto Gonzales, the replacement AG from the last couple of seasons you can never quite get to resign. Very annoying, but people keep watching the show anyway.

And wbo is Bush? Obviously he’s Bosley, the dim-witted male secretary to the Angels, who doesn’t quite understand what’s going on but might be mistaken for their boss by a sexist who didn’t know what the show was about. Like Bosley, Bush is largely irrelevant to the decision making and the action, but he’s a good device for exposition and he regularly requires rescue by one of the others, which can lead to some mildly exciting sequences.

Did I really have to explain that to you? By the way, what does “meme” mean? I’ve never heard the word “meme” so much in my life as after I started sending in pieces to the Daily Kos. Anyway, here’s the link to Bosley on the immigration bill.